Can i not drive my cunt home
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
