We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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