Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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