Barsexuality is the new black.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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