you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
