I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
