i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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