he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
