Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
