For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
