lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
