The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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