I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
