White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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