my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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