I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
