So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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