I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Pants are for mortals
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
