Your dad touched me again.
I need to stop coming to work sober
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
