Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
