Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude i'm inner monologue high
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
