I cannot find my penis.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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