He kissed a someone with a penis
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
