How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
