I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
