Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
