how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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