i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
