So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
