I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
