Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
