Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
