I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
