So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
