Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
