So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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