So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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