You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
