my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
