I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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