The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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