Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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