Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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