What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
