btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i've created a new STD.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I am mentally ready for anal.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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