I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
