I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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