At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
