it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
