How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
