there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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