Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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