Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
