he told me I talked like a deaf person
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
