my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
why is half of my head shaved?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
