i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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