you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
